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Netflix With That Pikachu Face After Being Sued by Own Shareholders

Variety reported that shareholders are so unhappy with Netflix that they are suing the streaming giant for misleading them.

Pokemon Pickachu
Pokemon Pickachu

Shock, so what you are telling me is that a fickle streaming service gallivanting as a “streaming giant” that cancels good shows and recycles bad content while upcharging their subscribers needs to falsify their growth to their own shareholders? Well, color us shocked.

Sense8 Netflix TV Serie
Sense8 Netflix TV Serie

Netflix only wants to drop its massive budget on big shows like Stranger Things instead of giving good shows time to build themselves into bigger shows. Even if shows trend wildly on social media and are extremely popular, Netflix tries to tell us that the viewers do not justify the costs of the show. Well, it is costing them.

The Adam Project
The Adam Project

It is costing them so much that Netflix thought they could fool their investors, people who have enough financial education to know when they are being finessed, that the streaming service was not losing subscribers. With Paramount+, Hulu, Peacock, and other streaming services on the rise, the last thing Netflix wants to do is intentionally mislead people with money.

Netflix is going to have to do something crazy to stay on top like, maybe, listening to their viewers? Maybe? Possibly?

A crazy concept, I know.

Stephanie McMahon Teases WWE Roleplaying Game

On my 2022 bingo card, I did not expect a WWE Roleplaying game to be on the board. Every wrestling game I have ever known has been nothing but straight wrestling.

WWE SuperStage

There is one dedicated to cards, but it still shows cards slapping each other in a ring. That might not sound fun, but you would be surprised by how much time you could kill on a mobile game, especially one based on Candy Crush mechanics.

WWE Candy Crush Mechanics

During an investor’s call, Stephanie mentioned both mobile games and a new deal:

“We continue to see strength in the performance of our mobile games, with 2K and Scopely’s Supercard and Champions, and recently signed a new deal in the role-playing game space that will be announced soon.”

Stephanie also mentioned that over 80% of WWE’s fanbase self-identify as gamers. Well, who does not play video games nowadays anyway? We do not have to sit down and play Elden Ring for hours a day, but WWE knows they can appeal to the lowest common denominator with WWE Champions.

Having a roleplaying game out of nowhere to break away from the mold is not a new concept. I mean, we did have this:

What do you think a WWE Roleplaying game would entail?

Father Will not Let Man Marry His Daughter Unless He Clears Dragonsong Ultimate

I thought I felt inadequate watching hardcore racers attempt the Dragonsong Ultimate World Clear racing. Imagine knowing that ultimate content based on a story from four expansions ago stands between you and marrying the love of your life.

Imagine being a fresh-faced Eorzean, not knowing that years later the very game you played could be the reason the bloodline ends.

For those who cannot read the image, it is basically a man seeking a static because he made the huge mistake of finding out his potential future father-in-law is also a Warrior of Light.

Not only is he seeking a static, but he’s also DESPERATELY seeking a static. A man on his knees, looking for seven other like-minded people to help him kill virtual pixel dragons that can change the entire course of his real life, his happiness, and the future of his bloodline.

Do you think he would be as happy as them?

Square Enix Sheds Its Reputation as A Poser and Focuses on Catgirls

A “poser,” you know how old the writer of this is, but that doesn’t change the point: Square Enix is finally done assuming they know what Westerners want. I think of the meme with a bunch of Japanese businessmen being shocked over something so trivial, and that couldn’t be closer to what’s happening here. Square Enix decided to offload their Western Studios and focus on what made them successful in the first place: Catgirls.

FFXIV Catgirls

Yes, the head honchos at Square Enix decided the only way to appeal to the Western audience was by not pretending to know what they wanted. The Western audience came to Square Enix, we didn’t need them knocking on our doors with a terrible Avengers game.

Marvel Avengers

We loved watching the Avengers, we didn’t need to play as them, but we’re not going to rub salt in their wounds. They already know they screwed the pooch with multi-million-dollar losses.

At least they were relatively open about how much they underperformed with Western titles.

Fortunately, Square Enix can shed off the FUBU gear, Ray-Ban glasses, and puffy vests and return to what they did best: Making whatever Japanese stuff they wanted and attracting closet weeaboos.

That’s why Square Enix decided to wash their hands of everything and return to its roots. They dumped most of their Western Studios and decided to focus on their true passion: Blockchain.

…wait, what?

Naoki Yoshida on the Microphone

Who Could Daniel Radcliffe Play in A Final Fantasy XIV Movie?

In a movie, no one really asked for, on a streaming service two people watch: Daniel Radcliffe will play the role of Weird Al Yankovic in a biopic about a man who is still very much alive.

Of course, now that we know there is a movie coming out about Weird Al, we now operate on the belief that we have wanted this all along. One thing that popped into my head when I scrolled through the inevitable Twitter discourse surrounding Daniel Radcliffe’s casting was: What role could Daniel Radcliffe play in a live-action version of the hit MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV?

Daniel Radcliffe

Now, before you think Daniel Radcliffe’s casting for a Weird Al movie is, well, weird, you must know that the man himself handpicked Radcliffe for the role believing he has a striking similarity to his younger self.

Daniel Radcliffe Images from Rotten Tomatoes

Daniel Radcliffe is no stranger to taking whatever he wants as a role after Harry Potter. He took his wizarding money and said, “I do what I want.” What way to separate yourself from being a child wizard than hanging dong in one of your first movies away from your intended typecast.

That is why we can see Daniel Radcliffe play any of the following roles in a live-action Final Fantasy XIV movie.

Crystal Exarch

FFXIV Crystal Exarch

Notice I was very careful not to say, G’raha Tia. Is it me or is there a noticeable difference between the two? I know they are the same person, but the same derpy cat boy who struggled to eat a burger cannot be the same badass wizard who built a city around a giant magical crystal against light zombies. To be fair, G’raha Tia becomes the hero he is always wanted to be by the end of Endwalker, but that is when we will decide whether the unmasked Crystal Exarch should just be Radcliffe or if we should think about Elijah Wood.

Emet-Selch

FFXIV Emet-Selch

How long has it been since the end of Harry Potter? Daniel Radcliffe should be old enough to play a not-really-evil-British-space-traveling-wizard-grandpa, right? I mean, even if he is not old enough, we have used the magic of cinema to de-age certain actors, we could probably make them older too.

Daniel Radcliffe Adult

Not the kind of older where they thought they could pass this off as an “adult”

Zenos

FFXIV Zenos

Shut up, this is our fancast.

What role could you see Daniel Radcliffe playing in a Final Fantasy XIV movie?

What Game Do You Keep Trying to Come Back To?

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I remember when I played the first Animal Crossing game for the Nintendo GameCube. There was something so magical about the game that made me play it for hours on end without ever getting bored. Maybe it was because I was younger, but when I tried coming back to it as an adult, the magic was no longer there.

In fact, the magic was no longer there for a lot of games I used to enjoy in my younger days. As I get older, I find myself trying to come back to games that I have felt a strong connection to only to log in and ask myself why I do not feel that same energy.

Video Game Skyrim

For me, that game was Skyrim. I remember booting it up for the Xbox 360 and being blown away (pun intended) by the sheer magnificence. It felt like an entire world I could explore with graphics that I thought, at the time, were so hyper realistic that I lost myself in every corner of Skyrim.

Video Game Skyrim Game Play

However, I do not think I ever truly finished it. I keep trying to go back with every new console release, and then eventually the PC, to at least finish the main story of the game, but I just cannot recapture that same feeling.

I talked about it with a friend of mine, and they told me it was depression. Yes, I understand I have been diagnosed with depression, but that should not mean I cannot escape into video games the way I used to. In fact, I used video games to help me escape from reality in my younger years, so why does it no longer feel like I can do that anymore?

Is there a game you keep trying to come back to but just do not feel that same magic as you did before?

Target Caught Simping Aymeric

Whether it’s an inattentive social media manager who forgot to switch accounts or a ploy to get us to shop at the big box store out of sheer agreement, we now know Target does what millions of us do every day: Simps Aymeric.

FFXIV Amyric Now that the dust has settled

We don’t blame Target for choosing the best elf as the target of their affections. Yes, there’s Urianger, but I feel trying to hold a conversation with that man would eventually be mentally taxing. There’s also Estinien, but the last thing you want to do is share a joint bank account with that man, lest you find yourself drained of your life savings for a hair scrunchie.

(We could talk about the other elf husbandos in the game, but we don’t have all day here.)

FFXIV Twitter Thread Aymeric

Earlier, on everyone’s favorite social media account, that has more Final Fantasy XIV discourse than Facebook and Reddit combined, the verified Target account responded to an anecdote (after a clear vanity search) with:

“Gonna start doing this tbh aymeric is my husband now.”

It didn’t take long for the verified Final Fantasy XIV account to respond with a swift “Hello?” as if they couldn’t comprehend the possibility of FFXIV enjoyers having jobs outside of fast food.

Of course, it didn’t take very long for the FFXIV community to pump out the memes and reactions:

There are also those wanting a collaboration between FFXIV and Target:

What are we getting? Red polo shirts in-game only obtainable by /beckoning half-naked cat girls in Costa Del Sol? Because sign me up.

Who do you think Walmart would simp from FFXIV?

I think I know:

FFXIV Amyrc Sloppy

5 Things I Would Rather Do Than Watch Charlotte Flair and Ronda Rousey At Wrestlemania Backlash

In a match that nobody asked for that continues a feud from before a Wrestlemania match that nobody asked for, Charlotte Flair and Ronda Rousey face off again at Wrestlemania Backlash.

WrestleMania Winner takes all - Charlotte Flair vs Ronda Rousey vs Becky Lynch
WrestleMania Winner takes all – Charlotte Flair vs Ronda Rousey vs Becky Lynch

A match built like a bad WWE 2K22 story mode match, Charlotte Vs. Ronda brings all the excitement of the 2019 Wrestlemania match as it was meant to happen before Becky Lynch had her nose broken by Aja Kong from Wish. Those who don’t want to cut their first yawn of the night should follow me in the five things I would rather do when Charlotte Flair and Ronda Rousey hit the ring for a bore-fest.

Grind In Lost Ark

That grindset is real. There’s nothing quite like logging in and doing the same thing over and over until you feel a shred of validation you never got from your parents. The same daily grind, the same weekly grind, who cares, I’d rather play on a high population server full of bots than watch Charlotte and Rousey.

Watch Paint Dry

We joke, but let’s be real: Paint drying sounds so much more fun than watching Snoozefest 2.0.

Find Proof of Ezekiel’s Existence

We could join Kevin Owens in finding out of Ezekiel is truly lying about his identity. Is it truly Elias with no beard, less body hair, and more Russian muscle powder? Who knows, let’s find out instead of watching this.

Watch NXT 2.0

All the stars you loved, gone. Watch new people you’ve never been invested in try to win you over on a forgotten brand where they test epic nicknames like “Katana Chance” on a white woman.

Watch Scooby-Doo Wrestlemania Mystery With Malcolm Bivens

I implore you to name one person who wouldn’t want to do this.

What do you plan on doing during Charlotte and Ronda’s match? Watch it?

Today I Learned: There’s A Fatal Frame Game on Steam

On the list of things, I expected to learn today, a port of a Wii U game I never got to play was not one of them.

Fatal Frame Three Main Protagonists
Fatal Frame three protagonists are Yuri Kozukata, Miu Hinasaki, and Ren Hojo.

I loved the Fatal Frame series. I played the first three on the PlayStation 2, and Crimson Butterfly was by far, one of the scariest games I have played to this point (And I played Visage).

Fatal Frame interaction with one of the ghosts

However, it was not until I opened Steam to see a Koei Tecmo Publisher Sale, that I learned there was a PC port of a single Fatal Frame game. However, instead of clicking it, I went directly to the search bar in a futile attempt to hold onto hope that

Fatal Frame II: Crimson Butterfly was also on Steam.

Fatal Frame forming friendschip between the two female protagonists

Seriously, if you find a legal place I can play a port of Crimson Butterfly, then tell me ASAP, so we can form a friendship over early 2000s Japanese survival horror games.

Project Zero Maiden of Black Water Video Game Casing Ninten

Anyway, it was not until I did a quick Wikipedia search for FATAL FRAME / PROJECT ZERO: Maiden of Black Water that I learned it was the fifth game in the Fatal Frame series (which means there was a 4th I did not know about).

Fatal Frame Main protagonist takes a picture with camera
Using Camera Obscura to fight and capture malicious spirits.

Of course, this only sent me deeper into the rabbit hole of finding out why I did not know about a 4th Fatal Frame game. For one, it was on the Nintendo Wii. Two, it was never released outside of Japan.

Fatal Frame IV was also supposed to be one of the scarier games in the series. I do not know, I never played it because they wanted to keep it to themselves. The cowards.

Fatal Frame Three Main Characters Mio Amakura Rei Kurosawa and Miku Hinasaki

Long story short: I learned a lot today. You can get Fatal Frame: Maiden of Black Water on Steam right now for 20% off until May 9th. The deluxe edition gives you access to outfits from the first three games.

Fatal Frame Over of past protagonists costume sets

I do not recommend reading the comments on the Steam page. It is all people like me who hold onto the standards that Crimson Butterfly brought. The reviews are mostly positive, but I suggest checking this Steam Fatal Frame port out yourself.

Naoki Yoshida Provides an Update on A Graphics Update for Final Fantasy XIV

A graphical update is coming to Final Fantasy XIV, and for the 5 people who legitimately own a PlayStation 5 without buying it from scalpers or botting for it: That’s great news. Of course, there’s also the crowd of people who know about computers enough to blow consoles out of the water, but they either refuse to give up their secrets or they won’t dumb down the process for us who just want to push a button and log into Eorzea.

Final Fantasy XIV Character Visuals
Final Fantasy XIV Character Visuals

I mean look at this. Final Fantasy XIV isn’t very taxing on the five-year-old computer that I bought pre-made at Best Buy because I’m the person that tech support hates (“Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on?”), but I feel the moment I turn on high-res options will shaders, I will spark a miniature nuclear event in my house. Sparks would fly from behind my wooden desk where I have no semblance of wire organization. The entire neighborhood would be lost in a firestorm. It would look like California on a normal day.

Naoki Yoshida Wants to Add Visible Pores

Final Fantasy XIV Character Visuals Too
Final Fantasy XIV Character Visuals Too

After talking about his completely intentional faux pas with the housing system, Naoki Yoshida decided to divert attention away from pixelated houses and made us focus on pixelated pores instead. The FFXIV community is fickle enough when they’re not trying to cancel everyone for being human to hyper focus on something trivial, fortunately.

Naoki Yoshida totally said this in a translated interview that wasn’t publicly posted. Source: Dude, trust me.

Dude Trust Me
Dude Trust Me

“After much consideration, we decided to make visible pores to distract role-players from the fact that we’ve seen the used “navel” used in so many erotic roleplaying situations. Say “belly buttons” you cowards. We want to see our characters sweat with a code that makes them sweat even more with armpit stains when they’re clearly the ones who caused a wipe. Now players no longer need to ask who caused a wipe. Just look for the guiltiest person.”

Now, we must wait for 7.0, when we inevitably travel to the New World in FFXIV and find out it’s just Los Santos from GTA V because, why not? We’ve had the same GTA across three generations of consoles now.

Side Question: Stop Estinien from getting caught up in a drug deal that he thinks is a “spice trade” because he doesn’t know how to spend money.