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Your Favorite FFXIV NPCs And Their Favorite Fast Food Places

We spend so much time arguing over our favorite NPCs that we don’t talk about the important things, like what their favorite fast food places could be. Yeah, let’s start that discourse.

We all have our favorite fast food places. If you’re like me, I get fries from one place and burgers from another. However, there’s that one place we can get food from over and over without ever getting tired of it. Imagine if our favorite FFXIV NPCs had their favorite fast food places. Of course, they can’t tell us, but we can guess what they are based on their personalities.

Alphinaud and Alisae – Subway

FFXIV Alphinaud and Alisae - Subway

Let’s be real: The twins do everything together, but they want at least one place where they can be themselves. Have it your way, right? Alisaie can watch Alphinaud order and then order the exact opposite of what he orders just so she can be an individual.

Thancred – Taco Bell

FFXIV Thancred - Taco Bell

Thancred will do everything, including sacrificing his well-being, for his own friends. However, in earlier expansions, I got the lone wolf vibe from him. He seemed to disappear and do his own thing. What would he be doing? I can tell you that: Taco Bell shits.

Y’shtola – Sonic

FFVIX Y’shtola - Sonic

As level as Y’shtola is, she would absolutely go cat crazy over the brain freeze at Sonic. Imagine Y’shtola sitting around on a mount finding contained joy in watching Hrothgar on roller skates.

FFXIV Urianger - Starbucks

Yes, Urianger would love Starbucks. It might not be a traditional fast food place, but Urianger would love his long orders like it was pumpkin spice season. Imagine Urianger ordering Starbucks like a California girl wearing Ugg boots, except in his old style English for no reason.

Think of other FFXIV NPCs, which places would be their favorite and why?


3 Signs You are Experiencing FFXIV Burnout

Burnout is a very real thing when you overdo yourself. It is normal to burn yourself out on anything, no matter how much you enjoy it. I love pizza, but if I eat it every day, I am going to feel burned out by the thought of it if my heart does not burn out on me first. But burnout in the hit MMORPG, Final Fantasy XIV, where you can play for free including the award-winning Heavensward expansion up to level 60?

Say it is not so. In a game that has more content than episodes of One Piece, you would think you would want to quit your job and play the game 24 hours a day without ever getting tired of it. Unfortunately, that is not the case for many, and we will tell you how you will know you are experiencing FFXIV burnout.

3. You Spend More Time on social media Posting About Playing


Do you know why there is so much FFXIV discourse? It is because we are so busy fighting with each other over stuff we forget the next week on Reddit, Twitter, and the forums, that our characters are sitting around twiddling their fingers waiting for us to come back and do actual content besides GPOSE (the real endgame). If you find yourself getting worked up with a thread over what some rando on Twitter and getting kicked out to the character screen, then you might be burned out.

2. Your Character’s Calves Are Massive


What does this mean? Well, no matter where you go in FFXIV, you see someone jumping around like it is an episode of Ninja Warrior. Whether you are in Limsa or in Gridania, we just love having our characters jumping on things like they are Goombas in Mario. Forget the savage content, forget the ultimate content, forget content in general. We feel, in a game with enough content to feed Sergeant William Fontaine de la Tour Dauterive for a week, that there is more to do than jumping on the benches in Limsa.

1. You are Literally Playing Anything Else


What is the best way to know that you are burned out on Final Fantasy XIV? Well, you are not playing it. You are taking Naoki Yoshida’s advice and playing something else when you do not want to play his game. Yes, he actually said you should play something else to avoid burnout. He knows what burnout is like, look at him:

Square Enix Naoki Yoshida

Also, wait, why did we only have pictures of Magnai here?

Who Would Have The Hottest Bars In A Rap Battle?


We’re blessed to be alive alongside the greatest wordsmiths in history. Forget about Edgar Allan Poe or William Shakespeare, we have a merc with a mouth, a card-playing Elf, and other characters we can’t physically punch in the face. What if they were to get together on stage to go face to face in a rap battle? Who would win? Let’s look at each one and why they’d hold their own in a rap battle.


Who Would Have The Hottest Bars In A Rap Battle - Starwars Yoda
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

Yoda was betrayed, watched almost all of his friends and colleagues die, and spent the rest of his life alone in a swamp. The dude has a chip on his shoulder.


Who Would Have The Hottest Bars In A Rap Battle - Deadpool
“I want to die a natural death at the age of 102 – like the city of Detroit.”

If you were as ugly as Deadpool, you’d have to rely on your words since you don’t have much else going on.

Rick Sanchez

Who Would Have The Hottest Bars In A Rap Battle - Rick Sanchez
“I’m a scientist; because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don’t like something about the world, I change it.”

This old man would kill his own family for Szechuan sauce. He knows there are millions of universes he can pull them from. Don’t test him.


Who Would Have The Hottest Bars In A Rap Battle - Urianger
“He that holdeth fast unto his convictions shall never count betrayal amongst his crimes, though all the world may call him villain. My path is unchanged; my creed sacrosanct. This I believe with all my heart.”

I have no idea what he’s saying half the time, like most mumble rappers.

Who would have the hottest bars in a rap battle?

FFXIV Developers Should Ban Former World of Warcraft Players

As the title suggests, it’s time to require proof during registration of the hit MMORPG, Final Fantasy XIV, that players did not previously come from the wildly unsuccessful MMORPG: World of Warcraft.


Why do we need to ban and unwelcome former World of Warcraft players?

Let’s discuss:

World of Warcraft Players Bring Different Ideas For Accessibility

World of Warcraft Click Cast Bindings

Over the past couple of weeks, we’ve had nonstop discourse over third-party tools. World of Warcraft players are no stranger to third-party tools. How dare these former players, most of whom use third-party tools to make their gaming experience more accessible, bring these ideas into our wholesome Final Fantasy XIV community?

Final Fantasy XIV doesn’t have many native options for those with certain disabilities or injuries, and to ask our almost God-level director, Naoki Yoshida, to implement these is irresponsible.

World of Warcraft Players Threaten Our Wholesome Positivity

FFXIV Slime Face in the water

Final Fantasy XIV players enjoy a utopia of wholesomeness. There is no such thing as toxicity in FFXIV. When you log in for the first time, there’s nothing but hundreds of cat girls with names that look like they’ve bashed their skull into their keyboard rushing to give you gil in exchange for real life money.

You don’t find that aura of positivity in World of Warcraft. The game has become synonymous with toxicity and negativity, much like the Persona community.

World of Warcraft Players Are Bad in General

FFXIV Heavensward Three

World of Warcraft players are generally bad at Final Fantasy XIV. Their skills for mashing buttons doesn’t translate well into a game that requires effective combinations. How can you tell a player comes from World of Warcraft? Well, you’ll see a little sprout by their name and they normally stand in the orange AOE indicators. Chad Final Fantasy XIV players who only play FFXIV and nothing else have a crown next to their names…

…and they’re the most wholesome and welcoming people in the game.

How Often Are The Lines Blurred Between Roleplaying and Real-Life?

“Who was that other man you were talking to, Cindy?”

“First of all, my name is Krystswys Thubyrthota.”

The other day I noticed a friend of mine in FFXIV, who normally walks around with her RP sign turned on, without her RP sign. I know sometimes people need a break from roleplaying, but she’s the type of person who logs in exclusively to roleplay, so I was shooketh to the 13th shard when I saw her doing content outside of Limsa Lominsa.

FFXIV Role Playing Game Scene

When I asked her about it, she told me she needed a break from roleplaying. Apparently, her last RP partner was so angry at the fact that she was roleplaying with another man that he lashed out at her. But he didn’t lash out at her Roegadyn, he lashed out at her. She had already set that boundary with him not to blur the lines between roleplaying and real life, but of course, over time, she started losing her Roegadyn name with him.

FFXIV Role Playing Game Scene Second

Now, I don’t roleplay. The few times I’ve tried it’s always led in a weird direction that made me super uncomfortable. It was like “Hark maiden, lovely day is it not?” to “Take off your pants,” in a matter of minutes. But this isn’t the first time I’ve heard of these lines being blurred.

I follow enough people on Twitter to see the complaints of roleplay partnerships ending over the fact that one of them confused the in-game relationship with a real one, without the other person’s consent.

So how often are the lines blurred between roleplaying and real-life in FFXIV? Is this normal? Or is the situation not so black-and-white that someone who doesn’t roleplay, such as myself, is left in a state of generalizing what is actually happening when two people are sitting around the Limsa crystal for hours staring at each other’s character.

All I know is they’re surely not helping each other assemble Ikea furniture, I know that much.

Google Translate: The Bane of Japanese Twitter


As someone who secretly follows Japanese wrestlers, the weirdest thing I see too often is how much non-Japanese Twitter users take their Google-Translated tweets too literally.

Google Translate Results I farted in my tomato soup

As we all know, Google Translate isn’t the best app for translating anything. Japanese are probably the worst offenders. I typed “I farted in my tomato soup” into Google translate and set it to English > Japanese.

Google Translate Results I chatted in my tomato soup

I immediately switched it to Japanese > English to find, in horror, that it roughly translated to “I chatted with tomato soup.”

I didn’t chat with tomato soup.

I farted in it.

If a Japanese server at a restaurant told you, “トマトスープでおしゃべりしました” you would raise an eyebrow wondering why they had a conversation with your soup before they served it to you when, in fact, they farted in it.

Now for the context: The past couple of days, we’ve seen some cryptic tweets from Kota Ibushi.

Twitter I will Go Wrinkle

Of course, they’re not very cryptic to someone who can read and speak Japanese without having to click on the Google Translate feature.

In the scheme of things, the tweet has a much darker meaning and average Kota Ibushi enjoyers who don’t understand a lick of Japanese are merely speculating on rough translations.

Either that, or they’ve completely given up and have resorted to posting highlights, GIFs, and pics of Kota Ibushi claiming no one is supporting him.

Either that or people are pressuring people who actually learned Japanese to tell them exactly what is happening.

I think @Golden_kuma said it best:

If you feel you need to pressure people to stay in the know about a Japanese wrestler, then here’s a Japanese Rosetta Stone for $11.99 a month. If that’s too much for you, then here’s a generic job application:

Employment Application

Final Fantasy XIV Developers Plan On Releasing A Feature No One Asked For

If there’s anything the FFXIV developers are good at doing: It’s listening to their fanbase. Whenever FFXIV fans ask for anything, the devs are good about giving it to us. They’re like the mother to a kid during a divorce to earn that kid’s favor. Of course, the developers also have an evil half where they ignore some obvious quality of life upgrades that will reduce our dependence on third-party programs.

In a move that no one saw coming, Naoki Yoshida responded to the backlash by releasing a feature absolutely no one asked for: A notification when people examine your character.

FFXIV community on Mods

While the FFXIV community continues arguing about mods, add-ons, and third-party tools, Naoki Yoshida was hard at work making Limsa Lominsa even more embarrassing. We used to move past a character, line of sight them, then discreetly turn our heads to examine their stuff.

Even with the addition of adventurer plates, we still find it really awkward to look at other people. It’s like the game is full of people who look down at their feet when they’re walking around in real life.

FFXIV Feedback Users on Mods

Now, imagine the same reality we had over a decade ago in Final Fantasy XI, but in FFXIV. The only ones who see this practice as “rude” in FFXIV are the ones who come from FFXI, let’s be real. I can tell who didn’t play FFXI: The cat girls who walk right up to my character in FFXIV, silently judging me, screenshotting me for their Discord, saying “LOL” in their FC as they talk about my spell speed melds to their Free Company.

Imagine if we had that feature?

Fortunately, it’s not real. Yet.

Want To Enjoy FFXIV? Stay Off of Twitter

Have you heard of the critically acclaimed MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV? With an expanded free trial which you can play through the entirety of A Realm Reborn and the award winning Heavensward expansion up to level 60 for free with no restrictions on playtime.

FFXIV Gameplay Scene

With plenty of elf husbands, catgirls, and a lore deeper than the Mariana Trench, there’s no reason not to love Final Fantasy XIV: Unless you’re on Twitter.

Twitter, a place soon-to-be-owned by the corniest memelord with money, is also a place of hypocrites, verbal abuse, and shittalking through a place of complete anonymity. I would know, I used to be on the wrong giving end of Twitter a couple of years ago. As much as I’ve seen the error of my ways, there are thousands of those who act like their entire life is dependent on whether or not they can scream into the void.

FFXIV Gameplay Scene 2

Unfortunately, this cesspool spills into the wholesome toxicity of Final Fantasy XIV, where we want to pretend no problems exist and we’re all sitting around Limsa Lominsa singing Kumbaya instead of overusing the word “navel” in erotic roleplaying situations.

The official response to third-party tools in FFXIV sparked a wave of discourse that’s been going on for days. Normally, when it comes to FFXIV Twitter, Eorzeans of this hellsite find something else to latch onto and scream about while completely forgetting about which outrage they were barking about before.

Of course, much like anyone in the younger generation who is terrible at communication, most of the discourse has come through memes and the replies to them:

My suggestion? If you want to shut off the rest of the world and enjoy Eorzea for what it is, don’t let Twitter bog you down with constant discourse that makes you tired of the game itself and not the community.

The Official Response To Dragonsong’s Reprise Ultimate World First Clears

First of all, congratulations to Team Neverland for winning the DSR Ultimate Race. See, that wasn’t so hard, devs. But honestly, you should have brought this man with you. Regardless, it’s not an easy feat and, regardless of third-party tools, there were still tears and sweat involved, and that’s something to be proud of.

The more hardcore content racing has always been unofficial, but it’s nice to get recognition from the team behind the very game they spend their hard-earned money and time on.

Unfortunately, for the eight people who waited on bated breath to hear their names cemented forever in digital history, the official FFXIV response was:

What’s missing here? Let’s take a look at some of the responses:

As you can see, the winners were never mentioned. In fact, they spent more time writing out another reiteration of their stance against third-party tools that many use for accessibility reasons.

Dragonsong’s Reprise Ultimate Duties High-end duties and world race


“We know how you all get, so we’re going to limit our involvement so as not to incite discourse.”


Naoki Yoshida Memes To Use After Finding Out Square Enix Sells Entire Franchises To Invest In Blockchain

If there’s anything we love about Naoki Yoshida, it’s his power to turn entire video games around and reaction memes. With Square Enix dropping Western studios and relinquishing some iconic franchises to invest in blockchain.

Yes, blockchain.

Yoshi-P standing atop his throne watching his bosses screw the pooch.

Not just blockchain, but specifically NFTs

A market that’s been holding onto life since its peak, two years ago

Knowing the only demand is from self-inflated ones as people come up with more bullshit to keep it relevant.

Fortunately, Yoshi-P is smarter than to take his massively successful game and keep its distance away from NFTs, right?